Dishwasher Commits Suicide

Kenmore Elite “Dishy” Dishwasher died suddenly in the early morning hours of Tuesday, March 11, 2014, at the tender age of 9 years following a long battle with depression and cereal caked onto breakfast bowls. In a tragic end, Dishy stuck his motor relay to the on position and fired smoke through his door. His loving family found him through the haze and stench too late as his motor kept driving even after his door was opened and he fired hot water around the kitchen. After his breaker was tripped and open doors and windows cleared the haze, it was clear that the extensive damage meant Dishy had washed his last load. Foul play is not suspected; Dishy made his own tragic choice. Dishy leaves behind his family who missed him until he was replaced two days later with another dishwasher of the same colour, which apparently is important to at least one member of Dishy’s family. In lieu of flowers, please give generously to the foundation for making dishwashers that fail less spectacularly.