0% Return for 17 Years

For the past 17 years I’ve have an investment account that has returned 0%, but I’m not unhappy about it. In fact, my wife has a similar account and I get a good chuckle every year when the account statements arrive.

Back in 1993 when we cleaned out these accounts, some sort of minor calculation error resulted in each account holding a few cents. I never did anything about it assuming that the bank would apply some sort of service charge and close the accounts. But that never happened.

Each year we get our statements along with a newsletter that I’ve never found to be worth reading. The best part is the pie chart showing my asset allocation:

The legend says that A stands for cash. I’m 100% in cash that has earned zero interest for over 17 years. If I’m ever in financial trouble, I can clean out these two accounts and make a down payment on an orange.